Well, your first question should be, where is the joy in that title? Why aren't you jumping up and down? Throwing a party, screaming or something? Oddly enough, not a single one of those actions crossed my mind when I found out.
I took one test, then two, then five and finally thought, "Okay, maybe I could be pregnant." I called my husband and said "I think I might be pregnant." He asked why I thought that and I told him that I had taken five pregnancy test, so I thought maybe I was. He, of course, asked why I wouldn't think I was, and well, you know the answer to that one, right?
I didn't call everyone, I didn't post it to FB or decide to send out pregnancy announcements. For the most part, I cried. The first feeling that I had was dread. It seemed to be natural, nothing I would have ever considered feeling when I found out I was pregnant, it was just the first feeling I had.
When I did tell a few people, I found myself crying when they would say "Oh, I'm so excited for you!" Why were they excited for me? To suffer loss again, to lose another life, to get pregnant only to lose the pregnancy? Well, in my book, that's nothing to be excited about. Of course, I realized they weren't thinking like I was, they were excited, I was just, not.
I do not mean to sound ungrateful but there is just this immediate reaction I've have after a miscarriage. Anything you didn't deal with during the loss, you deal with as soon as you find out you have the chance to have a baby again. It just all pops up and you absolutely can't control it.
There have already been some scares with this pregnancy so I'm even more on edge. So far, the baby is alive and growing and that's all I can hope for at this point.
When you are pregnant and you've never miscarried, the thought crosses your mind but you really don't know what you are thinking. When you've had a miscarriage and are pregnant again and the thought crosses your mind, you immediately know the sadness, pain and suffering that could come along again and it hurts.
